the last unmarried

Clearly I am a terrible person. Or, at least, I am self-involved, petulant and petty. One of my best friends calls to tell me that she is engaged - something I have anticipated for awhile - and, while I am happy and excited for her, upon hanging up all I can think about is myself.

I just can't help stacking her relationship against mine and feeling badly. Her and her boyfriend-now-fiance haven't been together as long as myself and mine. But they moved in together a year ago. I thought that was the plan for us this spring, but after much discussion it has been decided that, in fact, it's not. They seem to be moving along the conveyor belt of monogamy so expertly. Why do I feel like I'm just scanning tabloids in the slowest check-out line?

A ring for so-and-so! - So-and-so tie the knot! - Yes, we're having a baby! Exclusive details inside.

I get the headlines from all my friends. And yes, I know that every relationship moves at its own pace. And yes, I know there are legitimate reasons for why my relationship is at the place that it is. And I don't feel like marriage makes sense for me right now. And I think it's perfectly reasonable, at this stage in my life, for that to be so. But still!

There was a wave of weddings, then a wave of babies. Now the second wave of weddings is cresting. I want those things. You know ... eventually. In the meantime I'd like to feel reassured of eventually. I feel like eventually has arrived already for so many other people and I wonder when it will be my turn. And I get the distinct feeling that somehow the people behind me in line are cutting ahead, and I can't quite catch them at it, and I don't know that there's anything I can do. I just have to suffer waiting. And sometimes I just get tired of waiting. I feel like I'm going to be the last unmarried, and I don't think I like it.